Wednesday, 4 November 2009

10 steps to becoming a Euroblogger

Some time ago, I have already given an answer on why I blog, but I think there might be some interest in knowing how to actually become a Euroblogger - in 10 steps, because anything can be done in 10 steps.

1. You need to become crazy.

If you are not crazy yet, start reading the consolidated Lisbon Treaty from the first to the large page. If you finished reading and you are still not crazy, please apply for a job in one of the EU institutions.

2. You need to make the first and most important choice.

If you finished reading the Lisbon Treaty, you think it is crap and you don't like the EU because of that, you need to call yourself a "eurosceptic". If you think it is crap and you still like the EU you are now called "federalist". As a Euroblogger you will belong in one of the two categories, and officially there is nothing in between.

3. You need a good name.

If you are lucky, you already have a good name or nickname that is easy to remember. If not, invent something. And since you are crazy, don't hesitate to think of really strange animals when choosing your nickname.

4. You need to write a first post.

It doesn't matter what you write, just use "Europe" and "EU" several times, first in the title and then in the text. Since normal bloggers don't use these terms you will be clearly identified as a Euroblogger. Be aware that from now on you are an outcast in the general blogosphere.

5. You need to get the attention of other eurobloggers.

The easiest way is to start at bloggingportal.eu. Go to every post that appears there and comment on anything you read. Eurobloggers don't get many comments, so they are glad about anyone coming their blogs. By commenting, you are telling them that there is at least one person interested, and they will thankfully go to your site, see that you used "Europe" and "EU" in your first post and add your RSS-feed to their feed readers.

6. You need to write a second post.

Since you are now recognised as a euroblogger by the community, you need to show your web 2.0 competence. So write anything that combines "EU" and "2.0", "Twitter" and a Youtube video. Since 95% of eurobloggers organise their life around new communication tools, you will now be seen as a euroblogger who is also a tech geek - which means that you are now formally part of the club.

7. You need to get a Twitter account.

You cannot write a euroblog without using Twitter these days. If you don't have one yet, get one. Follow all the eurobloggers who will also follow you. Then find one MEP from your country on Twitter and retweet every second message s/he writes. Then discuss with other Eurobloggers on Twitter the added value of Twitter for European democracy. Retweet most of what the others are saying. Then address the MEP with an @-message and ask what s/he thinks about the latest Barroso press conference. If s/he doesn't react, write a blog post about how European politicians have not understood the idea of Web 2.0.

8. You need to comment on an important European event.

The added value of euroblogs is that they comment on important European events, i.e. those events that even the national media notice. Having an opinion on these events and writing excessively long posts on EU-related topics everyone understands will finally bring 20 readers (from the US) via Google. So wait until an important referendum, European elections, or a huge corruption scandal and then voice your anger in your blog. Since all eurobloggers write about it, you will be quoted at least twice, bringing 20 more readers (from Brussels) to your blog.

9. You need to write on Twitter that you wrote a blog post about an important event.

If you don't write about your blog posts on Twitter, you show that you don't think you are important enough. So tell your followers that you have blogged. You will start realising that from now on you don't only care how many people read your blog post but how many of the other eurobloggers retweet your tweet on your blog post. Over the next 60 minutes, you will get 10 extra readers on your blog and two new Twitter followers (one of them will be called Mary Lu and her last tweet links to a porn site).

10. You need to repeat steps 4-9 for three months.

If you don't get frustrated by self-referential and repeating discussions with a small number of like-minded people, if you don't get fed up with boring sources, and if you can draw your motivation to blog out the same 10 people commenting your posts all the time for more than three months, you will be an established euroblogger. After six more months, you will get a comment from an EU Commissioner and some people will start calling you "guru". You will know that this is becoming crazy - and then you realise that this is how everything started (see step 1).

And yes, one day, when you get bored by just being a Euroblogger, you can still organise an anti-religion campaign that becomes news all around the earth...

10 comments:

Eurosocialiste said...

Ahaaaa! Thanks for the good laugh! It's pretty much all true. Let's hope that motivates other people to join the club.I've found a new step to add! Create a Facebook page for your blog, did it yesterday and it's working! Youuuhouuuu!

theeulobby said...

Brilliant Julien!

And I agree with Eurosocialiste, the facebook page can add some traffic too.

Cheers,
Emil

Cédric said...

(Informative and) very funny! :-) You could even have called it "euroblogging for dummies".

Albert Medrán said...

great advises... I bet that from now on the number of eurobloggers won't keep rising! ;)

Macarena Rodríguez said...

I simply love this post. I think is part real and part for laugh. Anyway, it is time for laughs:
http://laorejadeeuropa.blogspot.com/2009/11/oferta-de-empleo-se-busca-presidente.html
Did you forget to comment on self-promotion in other euroblogs? I do not want to say I am doing...

HughBS said...

This post could cause a UK constitutional crisis if the press spots there has been a further transfer of power to the EU: the power of British humour!

rose22joh said...

:) that's fab.
A working internet link helps too of course - I can't get enough publicity for my blog at the moment because I can't blog regularly enough...

Vincent Venus said...

Congrats for this hilarious how-to-become. I like especially the eurosceptic/federalist part. Sounds to me like choosing between the Dark and the Light side of the force, but that depends certainly on the point of view.

valery said...

"As a Euroblogger you will belong in one of the two categories, and officially there is nothing in between."

Yes there is, it is called the European Council.

Julien Frisch said...

@valery

I don't know anybody in the European Council who is blogging… ;-)